Enough is Enough

There were certainly enough mosquitoes on this backpacking trip in the Beartooths 😆

I think what I'm being asked to sink into right now, or at least get curious about, is enoughness.

Since around March, I've been bringing in about half of what I need to comfortably support my lifestyle.

I've been dipping into my savings more than I'd like, and that feels so unsafe.

It's verrrry hard not to get caught in loops of future-tripping and problem-solving for something that isn't actually a problem. At least not today's problem. 

Before I know it, all of my energy is pointed toward the things I fear and the direction I don't want to go.

Normally I'd use a river metaphor, but since we're in World Cup season, I'll give you this one: if you want to score a goal, you don't stare at the goalkeeper. You look where you want the ball to go.

Lately, I've been locked in eye contact with the goalkeeper.

Whether you call it the law of attraction or simply "your brain finds evidence for whatever you're obsessing about," focusing on fear and lack tends to create more fear and lack.

I've noticed it showing up in little ways, too.

Someone asks, "How's life?" and I hear myself saying, "It's going okay. Work's been kind of slow, and my shoulder has been hurting, so I haven't been able to paint much."

As if that's the headline.

The more accurate answer would probably be:

“It's been amazing. I've floated the Middle Fork twice. I spent an awesome weekend with my family in South Dakota over the 4th. I've had slow mornings sipping coffee and putzing around in my garden. I've gone on bike rides and hikes with my dogs. I've laughed a lot. I've slept well. I've eaten well. I've spent time with people I love.”

That story is true, too.

So can I let that be enough?

Can I trust that the money will come back? That I've always figured things out? That creativity isn't a finite resource? That I'm more resourceful than my anxiety would like me to believe?

Can I teach my nervous system that slow doesn't automatically mean unsafe?

Because I think that's the real level-up.

Learning how to hustle toward an income goal is one kind of growth.

Comfortably basking in the life I've worked so hard to build while business is slow? That's abundance, baby.